10 annoying things about the gym

1. Overzealous gym staff

The staff sometimes get a large chunk of their change from commission. Hey, no one is faulting them for trying to make a living, but when I say for the 10^th time I don’t want personal  14^th century Austrian elephant throwing lessons it becomes a drag on my day.


2. Chicks who think you are checking them out

Occasionally I get tired and when that happens I rest. During that time I might zone out.. is it my fault the incredibly gorgeous brunette, wearing  her  pink sorority  spandex shorts while doings  squats, just happens to be within my peripherals????

3. Narcissistic beef heads

These guys are iconic to the 1980s style gyms filled with homages to Schwarzenegger. Unfortunately you are bound to come across them once and awhile. They will be the ones doing 50 sets of 20 curls by the vanity mirror while blowing kisses to themselves.

4. People who lay claim to multiple stations

How annoying is this? You got work in 2 hours, you are just trying to squeeze in some pectoral action and this guy’s got dibs on everything within 20 yards. There is no compromising with him or her. Any attempts are met with the clique “ AHHHH  I GOT THESE BRAH JUST A COUPLE MORE SETS.”  It is at this moment you just go to say to yourself fuck it. I’m gonna use this. Now sit back and watch the world burn.

5. Locker room attire

Last time I checked the locker was to clean up, get dressed, and get the hell out of there. When did it become a nudist retirement community? Ole Man River has been by the sink shaving his member while talking to Dan about his urologist’s hot ass for the past hour. Move along nothing to see here.

6. Uninspiring music

I cannot tell you how many times I have  been on the last set trying to squeeze out a couple of more reps before my intestines blow when all the sudden Taylor Swifts teardrops on my guitar plays. At that point all motivation is lost-injury typically ensues.

7. Sweat/not racking weights

Its cool man, I’ve just been working out for an hour what’s spending an extra 10 minutes re-racking your weight and mopping up the river you left? Extra work rocks!

8. This...is...SPARTA!!!@!@!%$^#$!#$@#%

Sometimes during my visit to the gym I am tricked into thinking I am in a war zone.  I saw 300. It was pretty kick-ass; doesn't mean I want to hear all the yells, moans, and groans every rep you do. If this is you, stop it. You are not going to reach super saiyan.

9. Cardio hogs

They do nothing but run on the treadmill or use some for of cardio machine for hours. Now I ran cross-country  in high-school and college, so I understand its importance and benefits. But for Christ sake have you ever heard of the outdoors? There's plenty of it and its free. Run your marathons out there will yea?

10. People who don’t pay attention

This is what I run into more than anything else. It is typically associated with those who bring their own music.  Bringing your own music is certainly beneficial especially if the gym suffers from problem 6 mentioned above. But with great power comes great responsibility.  The gym can be a dangerous place and I know Believe by Cher sounds amazing at 180 decibels but have some courtesy for those around as you. Keep your eyes open and your head on a swivel. This goes for those who just generally don’t pay attention as well.